Healing Love

Love is who we are, what we are seeking, and how we want to be received. Love is the most simple and most intricately complex aspect of life. Love teaches, love hurts and love heals. Remember to love yourself first.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Winning and Losing - in Love and in Life

"Would you rather win or lose?

If I asked you that question, your immediate response would probably be "Of course I would rather win!" In the moment, winning feels wonderful. If we win money from securing a contract with a client, from securing a loan for our immediate needs, or even from a gambling spree, we may feel elated. On the other hand, if we lose the contract, are rejected for the loan, or lose all our money in gambling, our mood would become much more sombre.
If we win the heart of the person we have been desiring, we feel wonderful. If we desire or love someone who does not feel that way toward us, we will feel sad, dejected, hurt, jealous, insecure, and other unpleasant emotions.

As painful as losing is, sometimes losing is a gift in disguise. At first, we may feel the emotional pain of loss, but losing may be just what we need to reevaluate the present course we are taking. If we have lost money, we may have to reassess our finances and our work habits. This may be just the impetus we need to enroll in a training program or go back to school to complete a degree. If we are rejected by the object of our desire, we may begin to self reflect and discover aspects of our personality that could use improvement. We may reevaluate our choice of potential partners and seek new social adventures.

Losing can be a blessing in disguise, but we can't possibly know that until some later point in our life. When we look back, months or years later, we may realize that what had appeared to be a terrible loss was actually the stimulus that brought us into a totally new experience - new career, new lover, new environment, new friends, new perspective. If nothing else, losing offers us the opportunity to be more compassionate and less judgemental of others.

So, if you have recently experienced a painful loss and you are feeling down and out, take heart. Just around the corner waits a new experience, a new person, a new life. But you may not be able to see the possibilities in your deflated emotional state. Then, reach out for help. Push your pride and self-righteousness out of the way and reach out for help.

Successful people are not people who always win. They are people who win some and lose some, just like everybody else. The difference is, when they lose their way, they seek out someone to help them, mentor them, counsel them, or uplift them. Successful people hold their vision so strongly that lossess, setbacks, rejections and upsets are seen as mere stepping stones, opportunties for growth, temporary roadblocks.

So, the next time you lose, stop for a moment and ask yourself: What is the gift I can gain from this experience? What do I need to change, improve, or study so that I can win in the future?

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